I’ve Survived by Forgetting (Part One)
The human consciousness is really homogeneous. There is no complete forgetting, even in death.
How Have I Forgotten?
Past: I sought temporary oblivion through booze, pills, and an ocean of self-pity.
While I numbed my depression/anxiety/pain in the foreground, it became amplified a thousandfold in the background.
Worse: it lowered my long-term ability to resist by weakening my body.
Now: I’m healing through more positive means: reading, writing, massage, acupuncture, exercise, and extensive self-work.
Much to my surprise, these new methods provide the same temporary reprieve from pain, but with awareness replacing oblivion.
Oh, and my body is healthier. That’s a nice bonus.
What’s the Point?
Forgetfulness has one main purpose: to shift focus away from pain.
It’s still there, but as a background hum, or white noise.
It grants temporary reprieve, but also reminds me that the spectrum of awareness is vast and diverse, with pain being only one of its many features.
I am not my pain.
Find whatever allows you to reach that realization, and hold on to it with all your strength.
If pain can be forgotten (even briefly)…then it doesn’t have to rule me.
A rock-hewn agony suddenly becomes porous.
I can breathe again.
When pain bursts yet again into your center of awareness (and it always does, eventually), it feels intense, sudden, even cataclysmic.
The challenge: expect this to happen.
Be aware of pain as background noise.
Accept its presence without letting it cripple you.
In other words: forget without forgetting.